No Excuse Sunday!

The following parody by an unknown author will hopefully make us “think” with regards to our attending worship services:

In order to make it possible for everyone to attend church services this coming Lord's day, we are planning a special “No Excuse Sunday.”

• Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say; “Sunday is my only day for sleeping in.”
• Eye drops will be available for those whose eyes are tired from watching TV too late on Saturday night.
• We will have steel helmets for those who believe the roof will “cave in” if they show up for church services.
• Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church building is “too cold.” Fans will be on hand for those who say, the church building is “too hot.”
• There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
• We will have hearing aids for the members who say; the preacher doesn’t talk loud enough. There will be cotton for those who say; the preacher talks too loud.
• Score cards will be available for those who wish to count the hypocrites!
• We guarantee that some relatives will be present for those who like to go visiting on Sunday.
• There will be TV dinners available for those who claim they can’t go to church and cook dinner, too.
• One section of the church will have some trees and grass for those who see God in nature, especially on the golf course!
• For the fishermen – we will stock the baptistery pool full of fish.
• Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
• The auditorium will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never worshiped without them.
• We will have representatives from the finest clothing stores for our weekly give-away, that’s right, “Free” clothes and accessories, for those of you who have absolutely “nothing to wear.”

By the way, we'll look forward to seeing you at church services Sunday!

—Mike Riley, Gospel Snippets